Wednesday, March 25, 2015

For the Love of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts


March 25, 2015

For the Love of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

Dear Beautiful Souls,

I found myself barefooted in the grass, hugging a tree last night. Exhausted, sick, depleted I felt desperate to feel connected to the universal healing energy of mother earth. I have been working non- stop for weeks and without much view of an ending, I wanted to give up. I spend a lot of my life now serving others as a healing medium. These are those moments when I feel like I just cannot give anymore. I understand though I was called from a higher place to share my gifts of light, and as they old saying goes, “where much is given, much is required.” So, even though my body is weak with illness, I will not give up and trust the words of wisdom God has inspired me to share. I need words of encouragement today, and I am sure you do to.

Giving up, what does that look like? To me that’s surrendering to a position that I quit. I stop having faith that the tasks at hand are overcoming my ability to keep moving forward, obvious definition right? There are many times I have felt this way in my life. I would fuss at God, cry, or maybe even throw an adult tantrum when things would not go my way. I would resist the lesson in the pain, I would not heed to the warnings that my intuition said I needed to do because I wanted to do it my way. Even though I know the grave consequences of not following inner truth, I too can still be stubborn.

This reminds me of a story recently that I still chuckle at.  As stated in my previous blogs, I struggle with managing my weight and have a sugar problem. I have realized my love of sugar really kicks into high gear when my energy is particularly low and I need a quick boost to keep going through my day. One day, after hours of clients, I found myself searching for a treat at the local convenient store. Debating with myself and knowing the sugar hit was a coping mechanism, I walked in and out of two stores empty handed. Battling with myself, I began to drive. I often find myself talking to my Spirit Guides about my need for sugar. For those who do not know Spirit Guides or as some may call angels, are heavenly beings that I believe help us in our human experience. I have an intimate relationship with them and they have very distinct personalities. Spirit Guides assist me in doing my work as a medium, and interpret messages from heaven so to speak. I believe we all have a team of beings that assist us and are a source of intuitive guidance.

So, as a sat at a stop light, I had the great idea that I wanted Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I began negotiating with my guides if I could go and get some. I heard my guides clearly say, “It’s not in your best interest and you won’t get any today.”  I had been asking them to help me with my addiction to sugar because I know how I feel when the crash comes and the harm it causes in my body. Unfortunately, the human side of me was not happy with that answer and I proceeded to enter the Krispy Kreme drive through anyway. I rationalized with myself, I would only have two doughnuts because that was reasonable and I deserved it after my hard day at work.

As I pulled up to the window to retrieve my reward, I was greeted by a smiling young man. As I grabbed   money to pay, he stated, “ma’am, I apologize we are out of doughnuts, would you like something else instead?” I looked at him, and just shook my head and laughed. What are the chances that Krispy Kreme would be out of doughnuts? My spirit guides were right. I was not getting any today. They always know, and in some ways I felt relieved I was saved from a moment of doughnut insanity.

You would think I would have learned my lesson from this experience, especially when God essentially answered my prayers. I had been praying to be free from my sugar addiction and have a healthy body daily. I was reminded yet again, God will give us what we ask him for, even if we forget or change our mind. I was at peace with this concept, until Friday showed up. It was the end of a very stressful week and on my way home, I felt pretty empty and the urge came again for a quick pick me up. So, as you may have guessed it, Krispy Kreme began calling my name. This time, I decided to not illicit the feedback from my Spirit Guides. I pushed on the gas and went straight to the drive through. With my classic all or nothing attitude, I opted to buy an entire dozen of doughnuts. Yep, my rebellious nature won and I was HAVING THEM ALL!

How many times have you done that? Have you asked God for help with something and when he does provide the answer your rebel against it? This happens a lot to me when the answer does not come in the design or way I may have chosen.  This is often because our human side or ego thinks it knows what is best for us. I can tell you when I went home and devoured those doughnuts I was so disappointed. Yes, the first one or two was tasty but by the 6th doughnut I was so sick and felt like a complete failure. I realized that he saved me from myself the first time because I asked him too. The second time I decided to ignore help and do it my way. He will always let us learn our way, because He loves us. He even knows, sometimes his hardheaded daughter may need to have a stomach ache to remember the big picture.

Quitting and succumbing to old patterns of behavior has consequences. When we quit we do not allow ourselves to grow, and develop into the perfected beings he has created us to be. I can assure you, that God will not let us fail, and he will present us with the same lesson over and over again until we pass the test with an A+. You may have noticed you have dated the same girl or guy over and over again with a different name or different set of clothes. You may struggle with the same addictions or shortcomings, thinking you have overcome them already and yet again they reveal themselves in a new way.  That is the test. He gives us the same one with different circumstances until we have passed with flying colors. We determine the length of the lesson and how much pain we will endure based on our choices.

So, what I have learned is even if you want to quit, He will not let us anyway. We can attempt to avoid the lessons and avoid pain but the opportunity to overcome and be successful will present itself no matter what. He will find us, even in darkness, even in illness because he wants us to win. Life is about giving in to the sweet surrender of allowing failure or defeat to be our teacher. In the moments of weakness we can choose to quit and rebel against His love and ignore the intuitive voice that holds our truth and do it our way. We can also decide to listen and reflect upon previous experience moving to the next lesson. It is the difference of taking a bite out of the doughnut for comfort or choosing to address the need for the spiritual craving.

I am sick today, because yet again I have not taken care of my body. No, I did not indulge this time in sweets; instead I did not exercise good self-care in other ways. Same lesson, different set of circumstances, did not pass the test again. But, this time instead of opting to find love from a doughnut I found it in a tree and am calling in the powers of God help me not quit. Progress I think.

 

 

Live Inspired,

 

Amy Brock , Spiritual Intuitive

 

Monday, March 23, 2015

For the Beggars of Heaven and Earth

Dear Beautiful Souls,

As I traveled through the tunnel kingdom of the New York City subway, I noticed the unnoticed. Maybe it was the music of my spiritual playlist that made them come up in my consciousness, but I definitely saw them differently. I went to a deeper place to REALLY SEE the spirits of the beggars. For those who have never traveled to NYC, the beggars are like characters that make their debut on the world stage of the passersby. Due to the buzz of the city, I am almost certain numbness begins to overcome the awareness to these souls, which is why they get more creative. Some paint their body head to toe in gold glitter as they lie still in a position for photos. Some sing, “You are my sunshine”…going from train to train as a trio. Some are blind and use their guiding stick to surf the subway and others form a band or rap hip hop, hoping to be discovered. Let’s not forgot the traditional ones too, who take the usual simple route and just ask for our energy in the form of money. All the while we higher evolved beggars continue on our way with our ear phones on, as we rush in the fog of disconnection to our job, home, or the next big Broadway show.

On one particular morning, as I sat on the subway I was joined by a young man in his early twenties. He was obsessively using chalk to sketch images of faces. Shortly thereafter a group of college boys joined the car energetic for the St. Patty’s day festivities to begin. The man child beside me immediately got agitated because his space was perceived to be violated by one of the college boys.
Knowing this was not accurate, I observed a heated exchanged that seemed as if it had all the makings of a bad ending. I tried to distract the young man and asked him about his art. He explained to me in scattered speech he was just looking for peace to create because he lived in Harlem and was tired of all the shootings. His attention span to my attempt at distracting him obviously failed, when he stood up and started to lean in towards the innocent college boy.
 
I began to pray for peace to enter the train, and called on my spiritual guides to step in for our safety. I observed that many people kept listening to their music or texted on their phones ignoring the disruption of our numbness. Some moved to the back of the train and others looked on in fear. Tears started to fill my eyes because I realized this boy was yet another beggar. His energy request was peace for his art and mind.  I found it ironic as one of his sketches was that of Christ, a widely held peacemaker.  In my attempts to heal the situation and selfishly avoid a bad day, I raised my voice to the confused college boy. I said, “go in peace because not all of us have the gift of our mind, you did nothing wrong.” The artist decided to leave the train declaring it unfit for his masterpiece and hurried on his way. You could tell the college boy felt embarrassed and on edge, fairly committed to his position of defense.
 
Feeling emotional, tears again filled my eyes as I moved to my next transfer and looked at myself in the window of the subway car. I reflected and embraced the reality that I too am a beggar. My begging just looks differently than his. I beg for my body to be perfected, I beg for God to bring me love and children, I beg for these words to matter, and I beg for my spirit to not ache.
We are all beggars. We all need attention, safety and love. We all need space to create and feel peace in our mind. We all have the need to feel fairness when we are wronged and we all need the opportunity to let it go and forgive. The more I observe and become present the more I notice the mirrors around me that share God’s treasures of wisdom.
 
How are you a beggar?
 
Do you paint yourself with self-abuse and hide it in glitter, so that no one sees what is concealed underneath? Do you sing a song of counterfeit happiness, when it really should be a battle cry for help? Do you walk blindly ignoring your soul’s voice that tells of the REAL YOU?
If you answered, “yes” to any of the questions above the first remedy to let go of the pain of begging is to STOP BEING NUMB.

Listen to what your soul is asking you to do, say or feel. Your true intuitive guidance will reveal itself. One way to do this is by, imagining a current situation you’re concerned about or trying to make a decision on.  Next, picture yourself in the outcome for choice number one and choice number too. Notice how your body or spirit feels when you visualize that outcome.
Do you feel fear, symptoms of nervousness or sick to your stomach? OR Do you feel loved, relaxed, excited, or peaceful? Your body is a clear barometer for our temperature of truth as you are learning how your intuition manifests within you. The hardest part is TRUST of self, because sometimes you will be surprised how you react during each visualization exercise.
 
God begs us to come and ask him for spiritual energy that you can use for the wealth of your life. I encourage you to take his hand and beg yourself for truth, even if it comes through the vehicle of pain. You will not be alone, just as I was not in that moment I had to call on my spiritual guides for safety. We all have guides or angels that govern our life’s successful completion. Be your own guide to living a life of spiritual begging. Begging is not the problem. Beginning is.

Live Inspired,


Amy Brock, Spiritual Intuitive

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

For the Hunger of the Soul


Dear Beautiful Souls,

            What are you hungry for? What does your body tell you when it speaks? I am eating a chocolate chip cookie as I am writing this and dissecting these very questions. I had been off sugar and eating well for a few weeks and then I caved to the slippery slope of emotional eating. Ugh! I know I abandon myself every time I eat excessive amounts of sugar or some delightful rescuing carb to eliminate loss and swallow my emptiness. My body has been overweight all of my life and is the byproduct of that vicious cycle. The body I have fought to make better has quietly rebelled against me again.

               I have always felt that I would never be loveable until my body was a size 8. When I look back at my life, I have experienced love a few times but I guess because those relationships did not work out I thought my unlovable theory was legitimate. This came up for me again a few days ago, when I saw the man I have been dating for a while. It really hurts when you care for someone and it just doesn’t work out especially when it seems like it would. 

               In the last several months, I had been pondering about how I am going to do things differently in relationships. Maybe take a risky, ballsy new approach… stay only until the lesson is done. I prayed the morning I broke up with him. I asked God to show me what I needed to know. My boyfriend revealed that my excess weight would be a limit to our romantic evolution although we had logged many hours together. Yes, tears fell when those words were spoken, but I realized he did me a favor; he spoke his truth. He again made me face my truth of feeling not good enough. I believe we all have those moments when the very thing we fear the most hits us smack in the face. I think we attract our fears because somewhere inside we have to face them to be free from our disillusioned self. My counterfeit self has been leading my brain and my body for a long time.

               I realized that my belief that love equals a skinny me, has actually been what has caused an unhealthy me. Isn’t it funny how the body sets us up to overcome spiritual inadequacy? It’s almost like my body is resisting becoming healthier until I believe that true love only requires self-acceptance first.

               I am on my fifth personal trainer. I am always hoping THIS ONE will help me obtain freedom from what I have always believed was an imprisoned image. This nearly 300 pound woman has been running nearly a mile every workout and all that I had to do was believe I could do it with the help of a loving coach. It only took a few weeks of practice with short intervals alternating between running and walking for my body to adjust. My body is so capable, powerful and forgiving. My body has allowed me to run with all this emotional baggage/protection that is visible for the world to see.  It has proven it will carry me thick or thin, weak or strong, as long as I do not give up on it. My body has let me experience 37 years of life, created a child and is without any current health problems. Some would say my body is perfectly performing. It even protects my soul from intruders by signaling my gut instinct and tells me with symptoms of fatigue when I have pushed myself too far.

               Our spirit is much like our body. Even when we allow our ego to rule our decisions it still will send signals. We will feel depressed or have anxiety when the spirit is not aligned with our body or actions. It will never abandon us because the moment you ask for it to speak to you it will. Maybe you grab a drink or cigarette to ignore your soul, or stick around too long in a dead end job or relationship. We all have our drugs of choice that allows us to escape imperfections and break from our realities of not feeling good enough. I know I do. I continue to battle how to measure self-worth even after proving my ability to perform at high levels and be loveable. I think the real test comes when and if we decide to give up. I believe through the tears and anger and dozens of chocolate chip cookies, there is something inside me that says you simply have to let go. It’s a little voice in my head that I hear and I feel it from my heart. The intuitive spark or signal inside fights for me to make it.

               How do you hear or feel intuition you might ask? In the beginning, when you try to get to know your intuition, the voice inside your head and heart may seem soft because you have to lean in to learn the tone or feeling. I promise you that if you practice listening to the subtleties of the whispers they will become louder and clearer. Once you recognize your intuitive voice, you next have to do the hardest part TRUST. It takes trial and error with short burst of trusting and following until you fully run on intuition alone.   Trust is especially hard because you cannot control the outcomes. We are taught in society that if we follow the rules; achieve certain milestones, or reach higher levels of success then we will be happy. Not always true. Our intuition will tell you where your true joy resides and it may not look like what you thought or were taught.  

               God gifted our intuitive light at birth because He did not want us to come here in our mortal state and fail.  Our intuition will tell us to move even if we feel like we cannot. Although we often think God is far away, He is actually right here inside of us. He just whispers and is more subtle than the revivals we see on television. We have been sold the image that God is grand and vast, which He is at times of necessity. But in the day to day interactions with Him, I have found that He wants me to sit still and simply listen within. I find Him actually louder inside me than outside of me. Ask Him to meet you inside your soul. He will meet you in that place that appears not good enough or even worthy to host Him. He actually likes visiting those who are the most broken because He teaches the humble more successfully. We are able to receive the gifts of learning in the vulnerability of not being enough.

           God was there when I felt rejected and I prayed for his understanding as to why another failed relationship involved my body blame game. He has been there every time I work out and fear being able to. I have called His name to carry me, as I ran up hills during the Florida heat and thought I just would not make it one more step. He has proven to me that he shows up to hold me when I am falling short. This body that I thought was inept is taking me the distance. My spirit inside tells me that I am able to push beyond my perceived physical or spiritual limits.

               My body image journey is far from over but I can tell you I am winning. I only ate one cookie instead of three. I chose to not stay with someone that could not love all of me, rolls and all. I asked for guidance and it was given. The man I cared for was an amazing person in spite of the unsuccessful coupling. He was my soulmate, my teacher. He taught me what I needed to know. I am stronger and my intuition tells me my love story is still not written. My true love is me. My soul tells me so. I am curious to see how far my body will take me, and until then, I believe my intuition will lead the way. God knows the path. Hopefully I can be one of your teammates, running the marathon of life. The spirit always wins in the end. Let it lead you to the finish line. The winner’s tape is waiting to break, are you ready to run with me? He sends people to guide us spiritually and physically. Just like I have a fitness trainer to get my body stronger, we have a built in spiritual trainer. Your intuition boot camp begins now. Get spiritually fit and listen.

 

 

Live Inspired,

 

Amy Brock, Spiritual Intuitive